Jack woke up at 3am, and once again he could not fall back asleep. Not even getting into his perfect sleep position seemed to help, even though he was tired. He wasn’t particularly worried about anything. He just could not fall back asleep. He used to get good sleep, but for some reason that stopped a couple of months ago.
So after waiting for an hour, he grabbed his iPad and headed downstairs to his study to binge watch a show while playing an online game he didn’t need to use his brain for. About 4am he went back to bed, only to waste another hour before heading downstairs again, this time to tackle work emails and prepare for his day.
He showered and arrives at his office around 7am. He’s the first one there on most days. He starts to execute some of the things he began working on at 5am. As his team comes into the office, things get busy. He works hard to tackle all that needs to be done. He has meeting after meeting. He speaks to stakeholders and does all he can to grow his business.
It’s becoming routine for him to be at the office until 7pm, 8pm, or even 9pm. He comes home, kisses his wife, watches his kids show off their latest accomplishments, then crashes by 9:30pm, only to do it again the next day… to wake up again at 3am with his sleep struggles.
Jack feels guilty for not spending more time with his wife and kids. He feels guilty for sacrificing his self-care. He feels guilty for how he’s not been a good friend to Hector and Simon, two long-time friends. But more than all of that, he feels guilty for how distant he seems from God.
What happened to the days when God was the priority? The seasons where he consistently spent daily time with God?
What happened was that he graduated from college, got busy at work, started a business, got married, had children, and allowed those things to occupy his time so much that he spent less and less time keeping fit, relating to others and, more than that, became “too busy” for God. Somewhere deep inside he misses Him.
What’s worse is that God has been consistently gracious. Yes, the recession was tough for Jack but God got him through that and his company has been experiencing real growth since then.
Why doesn’t Jack spend time with God in those early morning hours? Aside from short talks about God with some of his team members, his family, and an occasional time with a “friend,” Jack’s heart has been growing stale.
So many times he has committed to getting back to spending more time with God, but it just hasn’t happened. A work emergency or landing that new deal comes in and “takes” that time away. How can he get back? The idea comes to his head that he needs to express exactly what is going on inside of him to God, like journaling out his prayers. That’s helped in the past, maybe it will again.
The next day, when Jack once again woke up at 2:43am, he grabbed his iPad and began to focus his journal towards God, like he was writing out a prayer to Him. After that, it didn’t take long before he felt reconnected to Christ. Here’s what happened:
- He Stopped Performing & Got RealIn Scripture, while Martha was good at performing, her sister Mary connected to Christ from her heart. And that’s what Jack did. He started by getting real: “I am not even sure what to say to you, Lord. It’s been so long since I’ve really talked to you.”As he continued to be real, he got glimpses of what was going on at a deeper level. He did not like what he saw, but decided that since God already knew what was going on in his heart, he was only hiding from himself. So he allowed himself to type exactly what was going on with him. Phrases like, “Money gives me more security than you, Christ,” “I am scared to put you first,” “I fear being fully surrendered to you,” were typed on to his iPad.
- He Used More Parts of His HeartNotice that he didn’t just write the facts, he also wrote what he felt. By incorporating both logic and emotion Jack was pulling deeper on his heart. You see, the Bible says the heart is much more than the essence of our emotions. The heart is the factory of beliefs. Beliefs are the essence of our emotions, will, reason, and behaviors. Proverbs 4:23 teaches us to watch what we believe because once we believe something, our emotions, will, reason, and behaviors will line up with that belief, whether we are conscious of that belief or not. It is no wonder Jesus kept referencing the power of beliefs throughout the New Testament.Consequently, when we are talking to God and trying to get to the heart (beliefs) of what is holding us back from connecting with Him, we should engage as many parts of our heart as possible. We need to describe what we feel, fuel our wills to want Him, use reason to explore what is preventing us from wanting Him, and engage in behaviors that lead us to get to the root (i.e. typing out our journal).
- He Engaged The Gospel At The Root Level Once Jack saw that he was trusting in money more than he was trusting Christ, he could engage the Gospel in a real and tangible way. He reasoned it out in prayer: “The Gospel implies that you must be willing to do anything for me. You were willing to come to this earth, experience human frailty, and yet keep yourself from sinning. You allowed yourself to be convicted, tortured, and crucified. Then the worst of the worst pains happened. The Father, whom you’ve only known at the deepest levels of intimate love for all eternity past, placed the sins of all your children, including mine, on you. He treated you like we deserved to be treated. What must have that been like for you? To have known only God’s love. To have lived always to please Him. To have only ever pleased Him, deeply, and then go from that to an eternity’s worth of wrath. What a traumatic reversal. No one else has ever experienced anything like it. But you went through it because you love us. You went through it because you loved me.“What has money ever done for me? Money – or I should say the security and the significance I feel from having money – has driven me. I am working long hours. I am missing out on time with my wife and kids. I am not taking care of myself. I have virtually dropped my friends. All this I have sacrificed for security and significance. But this is so foolish. Since you lived the life I should have lived, paid for all my sins past, present, and future, and then adopted me and bound your heart to me so that what I do actually affects you, how could I, along with all those who are yours, NOT be the most significant and secure person in the world?”
- He Brought Truth From His Head to His Heart By Chewing on Questions That Helped Him “Get” That TruthEventually, Jack wrote, “Ok ok. It’s true. I see how foolish I’ve been, but I’ve seen this before. Maybe not to the same degree, but I know money has been an idol of mine. How will this time be different?“I remember Tim Keller saying in a sermon that I need to chew on truth until my heart bursts and I move forward in action. So, Lord, let me try that now…“If I really believed that because of the Gospel I already have the highest possible level of security and significance, how would that change how I live today? I would:
- Relax and not drive myself as hard
- Love what I do even more
- Not be overcome by anxiety when it looks as if we are going to have a bad month or year
- Free up time to engage my wife and kids more
- Not check my stock portfolio obsessively throughout the day
- Take care of my body by eating well and getting back into the gym
- Pursue only the deals that are meaningful to me and not just those that pay exceedingly well
- I would connect more to friends like Hector and Simon
- Be truly content”
- As Jack continued to chew on that question and write out answers, peace dominated him. He felt alive and engaged. He was eager to make the changes.
- Allow Plans to Flow From The ChewingJack continued to write, “This is great Lord. Why haven’t I done this sooner with you? Thank you for being so patient with me. I’ve been foolish and lost. But you always had me. You are awesome in all your ways. Father, I will continue to chew, to let this truth sink deeper into my heart, but I want to take a few minutes to plan how today will be different. Please guide these plans as your will, not mine, is best.“Today I will:
- Focus on doing my work out of gratitude to you, rather than to earn more money.
- Let go of the pursuit of XYZ deal. They aren’t a good fit for my team and me. I could see their toxicity really hurting us, and they don’t seem to want to change.
- I will take a few 2 – 3 minute breaks to connect to you by chewing on the question of what would be different if I really believed that I already have the highest level of security and significance.
- Hopefully, these 2 – 3 minute chew times will help me catch when my heart is starting to regard money as the source of my security and significance.”
- Then He Put Some Accountability In Place“Father, I am going to tell Jill what I got from our time today. As my wife, she will be in the best position to hold me accountable. I also need to let my team look out for times when I may be trying to measure my security and significance by the money we are making. I really need to get into more frequent contact with Hector and Simon. I will reach out and let them know as well.“What are some signs that I am starting to move in the direction of making money my god? For sure:
- I stop being all-in with God, which shows up in my not connecting to Him
- I start to pursue deals that aren’t the right fit
- I sacrifice relationship and self-care for work
In the next blog we will talk about how Jack used small amounts of time to connect to God in creative ways.
Chew On This:
- How would your life be different if you were consistently real with God?
