Disclaimer: If you or someone you love is in imminent danger, call 911 immediately. The following is general advice, not a substitute for professional help or medical advice.
In our last post, we looked at how to get immediate help for a loved one who is struggling with suicidal thoughts. In this blog post, we will look at a template for how you might help a friend or family member with suicidal tendencies feel heard and apply the truths of the gospel.
The First Goal: Help Them Not Feel Alone
When someone is suicidal (or in deep pain), they often feel completely alone. They don’t believe anyone can reach them. Since this is the case, the first goal is to help the suicidal person help them not to feel alone.
This can be done by actively listening, empathizing, summarizing what they are saying occasionally, ultimately sharing what belief you hear is at the root of their pain, and intentionally NOT trying to “fix” them.
Offer Compassionate Listening
If the danger of suicide is less immediate (the person does not have plans to kill themself and is not talking about harming themself or others), create a safe space for your loved one to express their feelings without judgment. Listen actively and empathetically, acknowledging their pain without minimizing it. Avoid platitudes or quick fixes; instead, validate their emotions and patiently wait for the “right” time to share the hope of the gospel. Express to the person involved that you are for them and want to help them.
Increase Empathy
To increase empathy, encourage them to describe their feelings and silently remember when you felt something similar. The more you remember that time, the more your emotions will shift to that similar feeling, and the other person will sense that you are feeling something similar to them.
Summarize As You Go
Don’t try to become a therapist here. Every once in a while, prove to them that you are listening by repeating back what you are hearing them say or summarizing what you have heard them say. For example, you can say, “I am hearing that you have been in a dark place for a long time, and no one has really noticed. Am I off?”
Advanced Skill: Hunt for the Belief
Ultimately, everything we do runs on beliefs (Proverbs 4:23). So while actively listening and empathizing, hunt for what that belief is. When you think you’ve discovered it, ask them if you are off… I am hearing you say, “Things are hopeless and will never change, and since you believe you are a burden to others, you believe everyone would be better without you. Am I off?”
If hunting for the belief seems too hard, don’t worry. If you have done the rest of the steps, your loved one should be connected to you, and that goes far.
Remind Them of the Good Works God Prepared for Them
Once they are connected to you, they will need hope. Hope comes from understanding their Macro and Micro Identity and from knowing that God knit them together in their mother’s womb so that they can do good works he prepared in advance for them.
Since they are still breathing, that means God is not done with them. Just like Jonah, God is going to work through them to accomplish the good works. They will have impact. He is going to use all their strengths, weaknesses, successes, and failures to accomplish those good works. That means not one moment, even all the dark times they went through, will be wasted.
That also means that they have purpose, meaning, and significance. No one else can do those good works since no one else has their story. Therefore, there is no need to compare themselves to anyone else, as these good works and their story are utterly unique.
See the next post in our series here. Return to the first post in our series here.
Chew On This:
What would help you NOT try to fix your loved one but instead connect to them?
