In part two of our Family Dynamics in Family Business series, we looked at healthy and unhealthy family dynamics. Today, we will unpack some practical steps you can take to build healthy family dynamics.
- Realize that you can’t control your family members or how they will act, but you always have the power to choose healthy, appropriate behaviors and responses and can influence others for the good.
Example: A CEO of a family business has a family member demanding a particular role in the company despite not being qualified. Instead of acquiescing by giving the family member the job, the CEO says, “I am glad you want to be a part of this company, and I want you to have the best role that fits you. Right now, this particular role needs someone with more leadership experience. If you want more leadership experience, I will mentor you, and then we can keep an eye out for the role you can advance to.”
- Set appropriate boundaries in your relationships. This helps you to love your family members while having limits that protect both of you. If someone challenges you, affirm your care for the other person while maintaining your boundaries.
Example: A father is the CEO of a family business, and his son works under him. The son wants his dad to give him a significantly larger salary than comparable positions are earning so that his kids can go to a prestigious private school. The father expresses healthy boundaries by saying, “I care a lot about you and your children. I want the best for you and my grandchildren. Let’s figure out how you can earn more money so that they can go to that school.” Then the CEO and son would look for ways the son can earn more without just giving the son more because he is family. Thus avoiding what would be viewed as breaking ethics because of nepotism.
- Build high levels of trust by only promising what you can deliver and encouraging others to do the same. Go for things that are manageable and specific. This might mean starting very small, especially if trust needs to be higher.
Example: A brother in an upper management position has promised his sister, the CEO, that he will improve his department’s lagging performance. However, after a few attempts, nothing has changed. The sister is questioning if it’s her brother’s leadership ability, which is leading to trust decreasing. To build trust, the brother might say, “I’m sorry I haven’t figured out how to increase the performance of the department I run. I am open to hearing any other suggestions you might have that you haven’t already shared. If there are no new suggestions how about I hire a consultant who will review the department and come up with a plan to help it grow? We will then identify key stakeholders in the department who can help me execute the plan.”
- Recognize your limits and acknowledge that God is ultimately in charge of every relationship.
Despite your best efforts, there may be situations where another family member is refusing to resolve a conflict with you. Assuming the conflict isn’t to the point that it is hurting the team, continuing to live in peace with the other person as much as possible in the situation may be the best you can do. If it has gotten to the point where stronger boundaries need to be set, you can still pray the conflict gets resolved, reconciliation happens, and find small appropriate ways to show the other you want to resolve it. Ultimately, we are limited and need to depend on God to move in the hearts of our family to have us live closer to the way He designed the family to be.
To return to the first post in this series, click here. To return to the second post in this series, click here.
