Tough conversations are absolutely necessary but many of us struggle to initiate them. If it is a tough conversation with a family member we might have all sorts of preconceived notions as to how it is going to go. For many family business members, this can bring up dread that it is going to be uncomfortable, tense, irritating, and not yield real fruit.
Even though difficult conversations often feel intimidating or irritating at the moment, they are necessary and the company can’t function without them. Moreover, if done well, these conversations can lead to tremendous growth. They can help to build strong communication and improve the long-term health of family relationships. Research shows that when families take time to listen to each other, feel safe to express different opinions, and are honest with each other, it increases trust and helps promote positive change. By having hard conversations, family members can grow in trust and resolve issues effectively, rather than pushing them off.
Here are some thoughts to help you engage in difficult conversations in your family business:
- Before you enter the conversation, prayerfully consider the goal of the conversation. What are you hoping to achieve through this conversation? Are you trying to “get even” or acting selfishly? Or are you genuinely looking for a resolution?
- Decide on the specific issues you are going to address in the conversation. Pick just one thing to focus on. Don’t let the conversation get lost in multiple topics without resolving one at a time. This will help to keep the conversation focused and purposeful.
- Be thoughtful about when and where you have the conversation. Ideally, pick a time when tension is low and everyone involved will be able to fully engage. Choose a space where everyone can talk privately, without interruption. It’s important to ensure that you are choosing an appropriate environment for the people involved. For example, family issues should not be dealt with in a board meeting, while a lengthy discussion on business strategy should not happen at the dinner table.
- Set up conversations in a gracious and non-threatening way, and express your desire for the good of the other person or people involved. Remember that the issue at hand is affecting the other person as well. If the issue is too much to resolve in one conversation, consider having multiple conversations.
- State your purpose and what you are addressing clearly. Family business leaders need to have clear and authentic communication, even if they are delivering bad news. If you are addressing conflict, focus on behaviors, not accusations. If needed, support your statements with specific examples, being careful not to appear critical or confrontational.
- Invite response: actively listen and fully engage when another person is talking. Ask clarifying questions and seek to understand their perspective. Refrain from quick judgments or centering the conversation on yourself; focus more on what you are hearing from the other person.
- Throughout the conversation, stay in control of your emotions. If you find that this is becoming difficult, take a short break to regain your composure.
As you move into finding solutions, look for common ground and solutions that benefit both parties. Highlight shared goals and areas of unity, such as love for the family or the importance of maintaining a successful family business.
Chew On This
Think about the last difficult conversation you had. What’s one thing that you feel like you did well? What’s one thing you want to change for next time?
