When faced with a child struggling with behavioral issues, it’s crucial to remember that these challenges often stem from underdeveloped emotional intelligence. Part of helping your child grow is helping them learn to process their emotions in a healthy way.
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to detect your own emotions on the fly and regulate them and the ability to detect other people’s emotions and influence them – for good. It encompasses self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and social skills. You can help your child understand emotions by explaining that God has created us to feel things, but that our emotions are also impacted by our sinful nature. Emotions are an important indicator of what is going on inside of us, but they shouldn’t be used to dictate our behavior.
The first step for a child learning about emotional intelligence is to learn how to identify and name their feelings. Learning to understand and label what they feel specifically can help a child better navigate their emotions and lessen their likelihood of acting out to express their feelings. To practice, consider using an emotions wheel or a feelings chart, and ask your child to point to what they are feeling.
It is ok for your child to feel big emotions, but they need to learn how to express them in ways that are appropriate. A phrase that can be helpful in this process is “feel what you feel, but watch how you express it”. Talk to your child about different emotions and situations they might encounter often and how to handle them appropriately. For example you might say, “Instead of yelling when you feel angry, you can take a deep breath and count to three. Then, come to me and we can come up with some solutions.” Give your child new strategies to use besides physical reactions when they feel emotions. This might look like:
- Learning to count to 5 when they are angry.
- Coming to you to talk when they feel confused.
- Learning to ask for a hug from you when they feel sad.
Note that teaching your child new strategies will not work in the middle of a meltdown or when emotions are running high. Help your child deal with their current emotions, then once they have calmed down, initiate a conversation and introduce new strategies.
As part of teaching your child emotional intelligence, your child will also need to learn empathy. Consider volunteering with your child, or helping your child prepare and deliver a care package to a sick friend. Be intentional about finding opportunities for your child to identify emotions and responses, whether in books, movies, or real life.
Remember, developing emotional intelligence is a process that requires patience and consistency. As you guide your child, continually encourage them to lean on Christ as they learn to manage their emotions and behaviors.
By investing in your child’s emotional intelligence, you’re not just addressing behavioral issues; you’re equipping them with vital skills for spiritual and personal growth. Trust in God’s faithfulness as you embark on this journey of nurturing your child’s heart and mind.
Chew On This:
What is one way you can encourage your child to grow in emotional intelligence this week?
