As Christians, we understand that our role as parents is a sacred calling from God. Part of this calling involves discerning how to engage with our children in a way that reflects Christ’s love and wisdom. One often overlooked aspect of this engagement is matching our energy level to our child’s needs and the situation at hand.
First and foremost, we must remember that God has uniquely created each child (Psalm 139:13-14). Just as the Holy Spirit works differently at different times in each believer’s life, our children may require different approaches at different times. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us that “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” This principle applies to our energy levels as parents. There are times when we need to be energetic and playful, and other times when we need to be still and listen, other times when we need to be firm and authoritative.
There are three primary ways we can engage with our children’s energy levels: showing MORE energy, showing LESS energy, and MATCHING their energy.
Showing LESS Energy
Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” This verse can guide us in moderating our energy. When our child is upset or frustrated, a calm and gentle approach often helps de-escalate the situation. Help your child see that you are for them and want to work towards solutions with them.
MATCHING their energy
There are moments when we need to “rejoice with those who rejoice” (Romans 12:15). When our child is excited or celebrating, matching their enthusiasm can strengthen our bond and validate their emotions.
Sometimes, empathizing and matching a child’s energy can help them feel seen and respond better to emotions. This means we respond to our child in a way that acknowledges and mirrors what they are trying to communicate. For example, if a child is upset that their other parent left to run an errand, instead of dismissing them by saying “why are you upset? Dad will be back in 20 minutes” it may be more helpful to say, “I understand that you’re missing your Dad. What are some of your favorite things about Dad? What are you looking forward to doing with him when he gets back?”
It is important to note that when you empathize and match your child’s energy, it is important to maintain control of yourself and avoid responding to sinful behaviors with more sinful behaviors.
Showing MORE Energy
Proverbs 12:25 says, “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.” If your child is feeling hesitant or anxious about something, elevating your energy level to encourage and empower may be helpful to them. Make sure that your compliments are specific and sincere. For example, if your child is feeling down and anxious about the results of a test in school, you might elevate your energy level and say, “Hey, I know you are anxious but I think you did great! I saw you studying diligently day after day, and it’s clear you really learned the material.”
It may be helpful to elevate your energy to demonstrate to your child the seriousness or danger of a situation, especially if they are ignoring you or not paying attention. For example, if you caught your child after they ran away from you into a busy street, you might say loudly and seriously, “NEVER do that again. That is EXTREMELY dangerous. Do you understand me?” Again, it’s important to maintain control and avoid responding sinfully to strong emotions: do not berate, accuse, or threaten your child.
As we navigate these different scenarios, we must rely on the Holy Spirit for discernment. James 1:5 encourages us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”
Practically, we can:
- Observe our child’s body language and tone.
- Consider the time of day and our child’s needs (Are they tired? Hungry?).
- Reflect on the purpose of our interaction (Discipline? Celebration? Comfort?).
- Pray for wisdom in the moment.
By thoughtfully considering our energy level in interactions with our children, we can create an environment that nurtures their emotional and spiritual growth. This intentional approach reflects God’s perfect love for us – he is always aware of and responds perfectly to our needs.
Chew on This:
What is the difference between responding in sinful anger to our child and elevating our energy level to help them understand the gravity of a situation?
