Disclaimer: The intention of this article is not to encourage the reader to diagnose their child or anyone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). NPD should be diagnosed by a qualified therapist. Unless the child is also suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder the diagnosis of NPD is not made before the age of 18.
The intention of this article is to help parents be proactive in addressing their children’s behavioral issues that seem highly self centered. If you suspect your child is struggling with abnormally selfish tendencies, we strongly encourage you to find a therapist who specializes in working with children as quickly as possible so you and your child can get help and support.
Because all children are born with a sinful nature, selfishness in children shouldn’t be surprising. Selfishness often manifests as a child’s intense focus on their immediate needs and desires, which is a natural part of their development as a human being. Usually, children display this behavior less and less as they develop a conscience and learn about the Gospel and Christlike behaviors such as empathy, compassion, and love for others.
Excessive self-centeredness can include an unreasonable need for admiration, a consistent lack of empathy, and a very strong sense of entitlement. It is destructive because it goes against the principle that we are made to worship God, not ourselves.
As you seek to help your child, ground yourself in God’s forgiveness and love, and your identity as a son or daughter of Christ. Look at Scripture to know what is true about yourself and your child. Some Scriptures passages that it may be helpful to meditate on are Psalm 46:1-2, Proverbs 3:5-6, Ephesians 1:5-7, 1 John 4:9-10.
Recent research and insights from the field of psychology can be very helpful for understanding your child’s behavior, but it is vital to take the best Christian and secular thoughts on parenting a selfish child and filter them through Scripture, making sure that the way we approach the problem aligns with God’s word.
How do you know if your child is excessively self centered? They may show a persistent pattern of viewing themselves as superior and deserving of admiration, at the expense of others’ feelings and needs, beyond what is expected in normal childhood development. A child with excessive self-centeredness may have a consistent, notable lack of empathy. Other behaviors may include:
- Difficulty making or maintaining friendships over time
- Showing little remorse for wrongdoing
- Consistently putting other children down, whether to the child involved or to adults
- Blaming parents or other adults for their sins or mistakes, showing beliefs that adults are untrustworthy or incompetent
- Disordered play that shows their inflated perception of themselves, such as play in which they are the hero and show no consideration for the contributions of others (beyond what is normal for childhood development).
All children may struggle with these behaviors at different times, so it’s important to note behaviors that happen over a long period of time rather than only a handful of instances.
If your child is struggling with highly selfish behaviors, it’s important to remember that no child or family is beyond the hope of the gospel. God can and will use even the most challenging of personalities and circumstances for his glory and our good, and is working in our lives, even if we can’t see it right now.
For more information on how to help your child, stay tuned for our upcoming blog post on Helping a Highly Self-Centered Child.
Chew on This:
What does Scripture have to say about why children are naturally self centered?
