As Christians, we understand that rebellion against authority is not merely a behavioral issue, but a spiritual one rooted in our fallen nature (James 4:1-3). When we address a rebellious child, we are not simply dealing with a behavioral issue, but rather we are dealing directly with their sinful heart. As we discipline rebellion, our goal should be to encourage heart-level change.
One way that you can encourage change is to model obedience to Christ, and show your children that Christ is your main priority. Help your children understand the purpose of obedience: obedience is not about making people happy with you or getting rewards, but rather that obeying parents is about glorifying and obeying God, and that rebellion is fundamentally a sin against God.
Encourage your child to guard his or her heart against the temptation to rebel. Often, rebellion stems from the false truth that if we buck our God-given authority, we will get what we want and be satisfied. We need to help our children understand that this is a lie and help them to realize that we can only find peace and satisfaction in following Christ.
Go after your child’s heart, not just their surface-level behaviors. Although it is important to administer consequences, make sure you are also spending time talking to your child. Seek to know them better, and ask open-ended questions. It’s important to realize that rebellion can be a mask for emotions such as anxiety, shame, or even grief.
Avoid battles for control: instead, ask questions and don’t assume you know exactly what is going on with your child. You are in charge of your child, but you cannot control them: the only person you can control is yourself. Realize that there may be times when you need to put a pause on a conversation with your child to collect yourself.
Don’t give in to tantrums or acting out. Although it may feel like a “quick fix” in the moment, it does more harm than good as a child learns that he or she can get away with poor behavior that will likely be repeated next time. Instead, firmly but lovingly reinforce the boundaries.
Parenting a rebellious child is challenging, but it’s also an opportunity to display the grace and patience God shows us daily. Through consistent, loving, Gospel-centered parenting, we can point our children to the ultimate authority – our loving Heavenly Father.
Chew On This:
What is one way you can encourage your child to change at a heart level, not just behaviorally?
