Disclaimer: The intention of this article is not to encourage the reader to diagnose their child or anyone with Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD). ASPD should be diagnosed by a qualified therapist. Unless the child is also suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder the diagnosis of ASPD is not made before the age of 18.
The intention of this article is to help parents be proactive in addressing their children’s behavioral issues stemming from a lack of regard for others. If you suspect your child is struggling with this, we strongly encourage you to find a therapist who specializes in working with children as quickly as possible so you and your child can get help and support.
We must recognize that all humans are born with a sinful nature due to the fall of Adam. Part of living in a broken world means that we all tend towards selfishness and a lack of care about others. However, some children may struggle to care for and connect with others above and beyond what is typical for a child their age. They may have a lack of conscience or empathy, disregard and abuse other’s authority and rights, be excessively arrogant, and/or other similar behaviors.
If your child is struggling with the ability to empathize or care about others, we strongly encourage you to get additional help and find a licensed Christian therapist whose speciality is working with children. They can provide specialized guidance and help you apply biblical truth and wisdom to your situation.
Having a child who struggles in this way can be very challenging and discouraging, especially because parents often go to great lengths to help their child and see little response. It’s important to remember that true heart change comes only through the transforming work of the Holy Spirit, and may not be visible right away. While we cannot save our children, we can faithfully point them to Christ, the ultimate source of healing and redemption. Intercede for your child, asking God to soften their heart and open their eyes to His truth and love
Practical Steps
Taking parent management training courses: A family therapist will work with you and your child to help you both learn how to interact constructively and break unhealthy interaction patterns.
Enroll your child in Problem-Solving Skills Training, or PSST: PSST helps teach children constructive ways to deal with their thoughts or feelings instead of resorting to dysfunctional behavior. Your child will work with a therapist to change their view of different situations and find alternative viewpoints and solutions to problematic situations.
Support during therapy: Once your child is receiving help from a therapist, avoid disrupting or changing the help they are getting as much as possible, and talk to your child’s therapist about how you can support what your child is learning at home.
Address trauma: Often, children who lack care for others have experienced significant trauma in their lives and may not have had one or more of their essential needs met as young children. They may associate relationships with hurt and pain rather than love and trust. If your child has experienced significant trauma, we encourage you to find a therapist who specializes in working with children to help your child process and heal.
Set firm, loving boundaries in your home: Set boundaries and follow up as needed with consequences. Consequences should be ones you can enforce and appropriate to the situation. Bear in mind that if the child has experienced trauma in the past, consequences may need to look different than traditional parenting strategies. For example, instead of sending a child to their room indefinitely, you may ask them to sit at the table for two minutes while you sit with them.
Keep working consistently with your child, even if you don’t see results right away. Because of our sinful nature, we all struggle with self-centeredness, but the gospel offers forgiveness for our sins and sanctification by the work of the Holy Spirit. As you work with your child, remember that God can soften their hearts and help them grow in their love for others.
Chew on This: Who can you reach out to in order to get help and support for you and your child? It can be personal (a trusted friend or relative) or professional (a pastor, a Christian therapist, etc.)
