Parenting a strong-willed child is often challenging and discouraging, and it can be hard to keep the long view in mind in the midst of temper tantrums and disobedience. However, your strong willed child is not a mistake, and God can use them mightily for his purposes. Parenting a strong willed child is not finding ways to get them to comply with your will, but rather teaching them to honor and obey God as their authority and be bold ambassadors for God’s kingdom. Here are a few thoughts for approaching your strong willed child with grace and wisdom:
Focus on Your Child’s Heart
Often, we want good things for the wrong reasons. We may want our strong-willed child to be well-behaved and Godly (a good thing) so that they reflect well on us and make us look good (the wrong reason). If you feel like this might be you, confess your sin to God and ask him to help you train your child out of a concern for their heart. Help shape your child’s heart by continuously pointing them to the saving work of Christ, and help them understand authority by teaching them about God’s perfect authority over us.
Have Consistent Boundaries
Strong-willed children thrive on consistency. Establish clear, biblical boundaries and enforce them lovingly but firmly. Don’t compromise with your child or allow them to dictate what happens. Instead, reaffirm the boundaries, providing appropriate consequences when boundaries are broken.
Offer Specific Choices
Make sure you aren’t giving your children freedom they can’t handle. Instead, offer your child 2-3 choices so they have some control, but are also working within acceptable limits. Make sure you offer options that you are willing and able to follow up on. For example, instead of asking “What shoes do you want to wear to church?” (and being in immediate conflict when your child picks her pool shoes), you ask, “Would you like to wear your sandals or flats to church?”
Teach Obedience as Worship
Help your child understand the importance of obeying God, and that one of the primary ways they obey God is by obeying the authorities God has put over them. Look at Ephesians 6:1-3 and Colossians 3:20 with your child, and consider memorizing these verses together.
Model Humility and Repentance
It can be helpful to realize that you are parenting your child as their authority and also as a fellow sinner. When you sin against your child (and you will), apologize to your child. This models the humility and repentance we all need before God.
Remember, parenting a strong-willed child is a marathon, not a sprint. Trust in God’s sovereignty and His perfect plan for your child, and continue to press forward, knowing that your training is honoring God and a blessing to your child.
Chew On This:
What are some ways you can encourage your strong-willed child to use his or her gifts to the glory of God?
