Feeling distant in your marriage can be deeply painful—like living side by side but miles apart in your hearts. Sometimes, distance grows from busy schedules, unresolved hurts, or simply drifting apart over time. Maybe you long for closeness but aren’t sure how to bridge the gap. God’s love is big enough to meet you in the loneliness and strong enough to help you reconnect, one small step at a time.
“We used to finish each other’s sentences. Now, it feels like we’re speaking different languages. As I started to chew on God’s love for us, I found courage to reach out again—even when it felt awkward or risky.”
How to Use This Resource
- Grab a journal.
- After each section, pause and write out your answers. Don’t rush—let yourself go deep.
- When you run out of answers, ask a new CHEW question, talk with a trusted friend, or look up what wise Christians say about your question.
- At the end, you’ll find a 7-Day CHEW Challenge and ways to connect with others for support.
Step 1: Get Honest About the Distance
- When do I feel most distant from my spouse? (During arguments, after a busy day, when we avoid hard conversations, when we’re distracted by screens or work)
- What do I believe about myself, my spouse, or our marriage in those moments? (We’ll never get back what we had, I’m not worth pursuing, my spouse doesn’t care, we’re just too different now)
- What hurts or disappointments might be fueling this distance? (Unresolved conflict, unmet expectations, feeling unseen or unappreciated)
Step 2: Identify the Core Need Beneath the Distance
- What am I really longing for in my marriage right now? (Closeness, understanding, affection, safety, being known and loved)
- What lie am I tempted to believe about my spouse or our relationship? (They’ll never change, I’m better off alone, it’s too late, vulnerability will only get me hurt)
Step 3: Match Your Struggle to a Characteristic of God’s Love
God’s love for you—and your marriage—is:
- Faithful and unchanging (Malachi 3:6; Hebrews 13:8)
- Restoring and reconciling (2 Corinthians 5:18–19; Joel 2:25)
- Present and attentive (Psalm 34:18; Matthew 28:20)
- Patient and gentle (Romans 2:4; Psalm 103:13–14)
- Healing and hope-giving (Psalm 147:3; Romans 15:13)
- Protective and safe (Psalm 18:2; Proverbs 18:10)
Step 4: CHEW Questions for Marital Distance
Write out your answers in detail—don’t stop until you can’t think of any more. When you run out, try a new question, ask a friend, or look up biblical resources. Check out an example of what this looks like here.
Faithful & Unchanging
- If I really believed God’s love for us never changes, how would that shape my hope for our marriage?
- If I really believed God is faithful even when we’re struggling, how would that change my willingness to try again?
- If I really believed God keeps His promises, how would that change my fears about our future?
Restoring & Reconciling
- If I really believed God can restore what’s broken, how would that change my hope for reconnection?
- If I really believed God delights in reconciliation, how would that change my prayers for our marriage?
- If I really believed God can redeem our story, how would that change my willingness to reach out?
Present & Attentive
- If I really believed God is with us in every moment, how would that change my sense of being alone in this?
- If I really believed God sees and cares about our pain, how would that change my willingness to be honest with Him and my spouse?
- If I really believed God never leaves us, how would that change my fear of being abandoned emotionally?
Patient & Gentle
- If I really believed God is patient with our struggles, how would that change my frustration with slow progress?
- If I really believed God’s love is gentle, how would that change the way I approach my spouse when I feel hurt?
- If I really believed God understands our wounds, how would that change my prayers for healing?
Healing & Hope-Giving
- If I really believed God can heal our marriage, how would that change my openness to counseling or support?
- If I really believed God gives hope, how would that change my outlook on our future?
- If I really believed God can bring new life, how would that change my willingness to risk vulnerability?
Protective & Safe
- If I really believed God is our refuge, how would that change my need to self-protect or withdraw?
- If I really believed God is a safe place for my fears, how would that change my willingness to share honestly with my spouse?
- If I really believed God’s love is our security, how would that change my fear of being rejected?
Step 5: Meditate, Pray, and Apply
Reflect on a key verse:
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
—1 Peter 4:8
Pause and pray:
“Father, help us love each other with Your love. Heal what’s broken, soften our hearts, and draw us close again. Thank You for Your faithfulness, even when we struggle.”
Let God’s Word shape your thinking and heart:
- Write the verse on a card or your phone.
- Repeat it when distance feels overwhelming.
- Ask God to help you trust His love for both of you—not just your past experiences.
Step 6: 7-Day CHEW Challenge
- Pick one CHEW question each day.
- Journal your answers, going as deep as you can.
- Share one insight with a trusted friend, mentor, or CHEW group.
- Pray and ask God to help you believe and live out His truth in your marriage.
You’re Not Alone—Take the Next Step
- Join a CHEW Group for support and real community.
- Download the CHEW Questions Journal Page to keep going all week.
- Share your story or prayer request—we’d love to walk with you.
Transparency Note: This resource is crafted in collaboration with advanced AI tools and thoughtfully finalized by the 1st Principle Group staff to ensure biblical faithfulness and practical relevance for our readers.
